Chapter 2
Halley had an unexpected treat the day after the wedding. She was going through her
research for her next book, putting it in order so she could see what was still missing.
She had a man who did research for her on a variety of subjects. He was a young writer,
trying to get his career off the ground, and for the past four years, he’d been grateful for
the work from Halley. He said it allowed him to keep eating, which was a worthy
cause, and he did good solid work and always gave her the material promptly. He was
reliable and thorough, and didn’t waste her time or clutter things up, giving her things
she didn’t ask for and didn’t need for the book, just because he got fascinated by the
subject and didn’t know when to stop. Terence was British and Halley liked working
with him. There were a few more pieces of information she still needed, and she sent
him an email with precise questions. She had just hit the send button, when Olivia
called her.
“Hi, darling,” Halley said breezily, happy to hear from her. She’d woken up a little
sad that the wedding was over. There was nothing left to plan, nothing to look forward
to until the girls came home for Thanksgiving, which was almost seven weeks away.
Halley was planning to dive into her new book, which should keep her occupied with
the first draft until Seth, Valerie, and Olivia arrived from California for the holiday.
“Everything fine in L.A.?” Olivia had been planning to fly back to California the night
before, after the wedding.
“I’m in New York,” Olivia said, and she sounded a little subdued too. The day after
a big festive event like the wedding, with so much anticipation for months before,
always seemed dreary and was a letdown, especially for those left behind. Seth and
Valerie would be continuing to celebrate in Italy on their honeymoon, in Venice, Rome,
and Portofino, while everyone else went back to real life.
“I thought you were flying back to L.A. last night,” Halley said, surprised.
“I was.” Olivia laughed. “It turned out to be overly ambitious. I was too tired and a
little too drunk by the time I got back to the city. I’d left a mountain of stuff in Val’s
suite, and I couldn’t get it together in time to run for the plane. I stayed in Isabelle
Winter’s room at the hotel after I got back, and got my stuff out of Val’s, and I decided I
don’t need to go to California till tomorrow. I’ve got a meeting at my new gallery on
Wednesday, about the show they want to give me in March. Can I stay with you
tonight?” she asked her mother. Olivia was always very thoughtful about asking to stay.
Valerie just arrived and assumed it was fine. And it always was, either way. Halley still
felt that her home was theirs too, since they had grown up there.
“Of course. You don’t need to ask me, you know. This is your home too.” The twins
had keys to the apartment, and Halley had an open-door policy with them. They were
always welcome, and she was delighted that Olivia was still in town and wanted to
spend the night. “Do you want to go out for dinner?”
Olivia paused for a moment, mulling it over. “I have an awful hangover,” she
confessed. “I don’t think I’ve ever had so many martinis or so much champagne. And I
think I had a margarita before I left.” The wedding of her twin was a big deal to her. She
would have to share Valerie now, with Seth. She had for the past three years, but Seth
and Valerie weren’t always in the same city, and when they weren’t, Valerie and Olivia
lived together. Olivia liked Seth a lot, and he was perfect for her sister, and spoiled her
rotten, but now it was official, which was an adjustment for Olivia. She was still getting
used to the idea, although Seth had been really welcoming to her, and had understood
early on how much the two women meant to each other, and what a special relationship
being a twin was. He hadn’t tried to fight it at all, and had chosen the much wiser course
of including Olivia in everything they could. But not on the honeymoon, of course. They
were planning to be in Italy for three weeks, and Olivia already missed Valerie. They
had never been apart for that long.
“We’ll eat at home then,” Halley said. “I’ll pick something up this afternoon.”
Cooking wasn’t part of Halley’s skill set. She knew how, she just didn’t enjoy it, and it
wasn’t what she did best. The girls ordered in whenever they were home. Halley had
cooked for them when they were little, but she’d had no other choice then, before her
books were a big success. Now she had other options, and all the best restaurants in
town did takeout, especially since the pandemic. Ordering takeout had become a way of
life in the twins’ age group. Most millennials didn’t cook.
“I’ll pick something up and surprise you,” Olivia volunteered. She loved the idea of
spending a night with her mother. They could gossip about the wedding, and who was
there. There were several TV and movie stars who were friends of Seth’s.
“Come whenever you want,” Halley said happily. “This is an unexpected treat. I
was feeling sorry for myself, and sorting through my research. I’m starting a book
tomorrow.” She sounded happy at the prospect, as she always did when she started a
book, with a little quiver of nervous excitement. The suffering would come later, and the
fatigue, as it ground along, day after day, for weeks and sometimes months on a first
draft, like the one she was starting.
“I won’t interrupt you, Mom. I’ll just dump my stuff in my room. I’m going to leave
my maid of honor dress with you in my closet, I won’t wear it in L.A. or probably ever
again.” It was a beautiful Oscar de la Renta gown of beige lace. Valerie’s dress was
made of antique ivory lace. The bridesmaids had worn a champagne color, and Halley
had worn taupe taffeta, which she thought was suitably discreet for the mother of the
bride. Halley didn’t want to steal any thunder from her daughter’s show. This was
Valerie’s big moment.
Halley had never married. Locke, the twins’ father, was already married when they
met. And by the time he got divorced, they were happier as friends. And she and Robert
had talked about marriage in their twelve years together and never got around to it. They
were afraid to upset the balance of the relationship that worked so well. He had never
wanted children, as it turned out, and the twins were enough for them. The relationship
they had was perfect as it was. Halley had made a point of sidestepping the bouquet at
Valerie’s wedding when it flew past her, in the direction of a flock of women who
wanted it desperately. Valerie had aimed it at her twin sister, who reached up and
caught it, and looked delighted. There had been so many details to coordinate at the
wedding, right down to the garter Valerie tossed at the men.
Halley felt a little startled that it was all over. Months of planning had gone into
making sure that every detail would be perfect and the way Valerie wanted it. Seeing it
all happen on Saturday, just the way she’d dreamed and Halley had envisioned for her,
was like watching a movie. Olivia felt a little dazed on Sunday too. She and her twin
had never been away from each other for three weeks before, and Olivia was uneasy
about it. Valerie had promised to call her every day. Whenever they were apart, the first
one to wake up called the other. Olivia wasn’t sure how Seth would feel about it on
their honeymoon, but Valerie didn’t care. She needed to talk to her sister. The
connection between them was very strong. It wasn’t something they planned or had ever
agreed to, it was just the way they were since their birth. They had cried when Halley
tried to put them in separate cribs, and they had chosen to share a room all their lives
growing up.
“She looked beautiful, didn’t she?” Halley said wistfully. “And so did you. You
looked spectacular. And her dress came out perfectly, just as she said she wanted it.”
“Maybe we should have switched and given everyone a surprise at the altar,” Olivia
said with a mischievous laugh.
“Thank God, you didn’t. Poor Seth. I was afraid you might, I didn’t even dare
mention it, so as not to inspire you.” The twins had switched often, as little girls and
teenagers, just for the fun of it.
“Actually, Val suggested it once, but I said I thought you’d be pissed if we did,”
Olivia said.
“Nothing surprises me with you two.” But in the end the twins had agreed that
switching places on Valerie’s wedding day would have broken the spell and seriousness
of the moment, so they hadn’t. And Valerie hadn’t wanted to upset Seth.
“If I ever get married, maybe we will,” Olivia said, thinking about it. “I’m more like
you. I’m not so sure all that traditional stuff and legality is necessary. It seems a little
oppressive to me. I think Val did it because Seth wanted to. I saw the prenup they
signed, it was forty pages long. I got a headache just looking at it, but Valerie is a
lawyer so it seemed fine to her. You never got married, so I don’t see why I would need
to,” Olivia said thoughtfully, but there was no one she wanted to marry anyway. She had
never been deeply in love, as Valerie was with Seth.
“It wasn’t a political decision in my case, it was a practical one,” her mother said.
“Your father was married to someone else and by the time he wasn’t, you were ten years
old, and none of us cared.” It had only come up once or twice for the girls in school,
where someone made a comment. And by the time they got to high school, most of their
friends’ parents were divorced. So what would have been the point anyway? Halley’s
only regret was not marrying Robert before he died. She would have liked to be his
wife and they thought they had time and had relegated the plan to “one day.” And Robert
thought he would get better, and didn’t want to get married while he was sick. So it
never happened in the end. It had taken Halley years to warm up to the idea. What she
had seen of her parents’ marriage, though only a dim memory, had made her leery of the
concept. But her parents didn’t love each other. She and Robert did. Her mother had
always made it clear that she and Halley’s father had to get married, and it was all her
fault. Halley had paid a high price for it.
“What time are you coming by?” Halley asked her.
“Maybe in an hour. I’ll throw my things in a bag and come over.” It was an
unexpected gift that Olivia had stayed in town for an extra day, and would spend the
night at the apartment with her.
Olivia arrived at the apartment on Fifth Avenue an hour later, her long blond hair
held up in a clip. She was wearing jeans and a Yale sweatshirt with paint splattered on
it, like almost everything she owned. Halley had enjoyed seeing her meticulously put
together the day before, and impeccably groomed, although there had been a little blue
smear of paint on the inside of one wrist. She was wearing ballet flats when she got to
the apartment, and carrying a big, battered Hermès red alligator bag that had been
Halley’s. It had a few paint specks on it too. After Halley hugged her they went to the
kitchen and had a cup of coffee, happy to see each other. And then Halley went back to
her desk to do some work and Olivia went to her old room to put the bridesmaid dress
away in the pristine white satin garment bag it had come in. Halley had promised to
store Valerie’s wedding dress for her too, and have her bridal bouquet preserved. The
wedding planner was taking care of it. The bouquet Valerie had thrown was a smaller
symbolic one.
They met in the kitchen again for lunch, and commented that Valerie and Seth would
be halfway to Italy by then, since they had left that morning.
They were going to Rome first, then driving north to Venice, the perfect honeymoon
spot, and from there to Portofino, a charming little port, with fancy shops, delicious
cozy restaurants, and a harbor full of enormous yachts.
They talked about Olivia’s new gallery in L.A. over lunch. She liked it better than
the one she’d been with in New York, and she thought her show in March would be
exciting.
“Will you come out for it, Mom?” Olivia asked her, looking young and innocent.
Halley still couldn’t believe how fast they had grown up, how quickly they had become
adults, their early years over. She wished she could play that part of the film again, to
savor every moment. She had been so busy when they were young.
“I’ll come out if you want me to,” Halley said, as they put their dishes in the sink for
the housekeeper to take care of, and Olivia stared at her.
“Of course I want you to.” She had never had a gallery show of her work without
her mother and sister present. She said they were her lucky charms. Halley felt that way
about both of them too. “What are you going to do to keep busy, like on the weekends?”
Olivia asked her. She worried about her mother being lonely without them. Valerie said
she’d be fine, when Olivia talked to her about it. Olivia wasn’t so sure. Her mother had
had a busy life with Robert, doing the things they loved to do, and they had had the
literary world in common. But without him or the girls, Olivia knew it wouldn’t be easy
for her, although Halley hadn’t complained once about their moving to L.A. She wanted
them to be happy, and do what they wanted to do. She just had to figure out her own life
now, after she wrote the book. Her writing came first, it had to be the priority or she
wouldn’t get it done.
Olivia went to meet a friend that afternoon, to visit a gallery she wanted to see, and
Halley went back to the mountain of research on her desk. She was starting to make
good headway, organizing it, when Olivia came back. It was after six o’clock, and
Olivia had brought Indian food home with her. It smelled delicious as they unpacked it
together. They both loved Indian food, while Valerie hated it. Olivia had gotten a text
from her while she was out. They had arrived safely in Rome, had checked into the
hotel, and were strolling down the Via Condotti, admiring the shops, where they
stopped at an outdoor café for a glass of wine. The twins agreed to talk the next
morning, before Olivia boarded her flight to L.A. It would be afternoon for Valerie in
Rome by then. The time difference would be easier to manage from California. Valerie
said she was having fun. She texted a photo of Seth, at the table, with a glass of wine in
his hand. Just texting made Olivia miss her sister. She was happy to see her mother
when she got home.
They had dinner in the kitchen, and Olivia told Halley about the gallery she’d
visited that afternoon, and her new house she’d rented in L.A. She was going to paint in
the big kitchen. The rent was a fraction of what her studio and the twins’ apartment had
cost Halley in New York.
“I’m going to have to work hard to be ready for the show in March,” Olivia said, as
they ate the lamb curry she’d brought home. They both liked it hot. Halley loved hearing
how excited she was about her show. They talked about the L.A. art market and how it
compared to New York’s. Valerie had already commissioned her to do two paintings for
their new home. She loved the work her sister did, and Seth did too. And as they
finished the meal, Halley told Olivia about her new book. She was eager to get started,
and Olivia liked hearing her mother tell the stories. She had only read a few of them, as
she wasn’t a big reader, and Valerie was always working and didn’t have time. They
were proud of Halley, but rarely read her books. They each had their very different
jobs, and worked hard. Halley had taught them the importance of that while they were
growing up, and they had taken it to heart. She was proud of both of them, and happy
they had careers they loved.
Halley was hoping to finish the first draft of her book by the time they came home
for Thanksgiving, which was a little less than two months away. The girls hadn’t figured
out Christmas yet, but she assumed they’d be coming home. The holidays were
important to all three of them, and Halley had particularly loved Christmas ever since
they were born. The girls had changed everything for her. Holidays that she had dreaded
in her childhood and that were bad memories had become magical with the twins. They
baked cookies and decorated the tree together, even now as adults. Halley took pride in
cooking Thanksgiving dinner herself, and had a chef who came on Christmas. Seth had
joined them the year before, once he and Valerie got engaged. They had spent a cozy
evening together on Christmas Eve, and he had taken the twins skiing in Vermont for
New Year, and had rented a fabulous chalet. They hadn’t decided what to do this year.
All their energy had been focused on the wedding, and now they could finally get back
to other things, like Halley’s book, and real life. The wedding had been all-consuming
for Valerie for months, while her mother organized it all with the wedding planner, who
had done a good job.
Halley and Olivia went to bed early. They were both tired from the wedding. Olivia
looked at the clock in her room before she went to bed. It was four in the morning in
Italy, and Valerie would be asleep. They each liked to keep track of what the other was
doing.
Halley was in bed with her computer, checking emails, and there was a sweet one
from Valerie, thanking her for the beautiful wedding. She said it was the most perfect
one she’d ever seen. Halley smiled at the memory of how exquisite she had looked as a
bride. Locke had taken some pictures of her, but they had also hired one of the best
wedding photographers in New York. Halley couldn’t wait to see the proofs, and hoped
she’d have them to show the girls on Thanksgiving so they could look at them together.
She had told the photographer she wanted them by then.
Thanksgiving was only seven weeks away. She knew the time would fly while she
was writing. She lost track of time and the days. Robert had always been very
understanding about it, and kept himself occupied while she was writing. He had
worked until the last month of his illness, until he couldn’t get to the office anymore. She
had spent his final days sitting quietly with him while he slept. He would wake up and
smile when he saw her there, and they talked for hours. Sometimes she got into bed with
him and held him, and then he’d drift off to sleep, as she’d try to wish the angel of death
away. She didn’t want to lose him, and could no longer imagine life without him. On his
last night, she had fallen asleep holding him, and when she woke up in the morning, the
sun was streaming into the room and he was gone. He had breathed his last breath
peacefully during the night, in her arms.
She put the computer away finally, turned off the lights, and lay in bed thinking about
him. They had had so much fun together when the girls were young. He said he’d
arrived for the best time, when they were old enough to be interesting and fun to be
with, and good company, and all the messy part was done. They were twelve when
Halley met him, and fourteen when he moved in. They had called him their StepFabulous
and Step-Wonderful, and he took an interest in everything they did. He had
encouraged Olivia to start painting and took her to the Art Students League, and helped
her with her homework. He suggested law school to Valerie and she fell in love with the
idea. He helped her prep for her LSATs and she had passed with high scores, which she
said was thanks to him. The twins had been as heartbroken as Halley when they lost
him. He was such a good person, and it seemed so unfair to all three of them.
They had wanted him to adopt them, but he thought it would be disrespectful to their
father. Locke was erratic and often inattentive when he had a new woman in his life, but
he loved them, and Robert had the best of them anyway. Sometimes they pretended he
was their father to their friends, or people who didn’t know them well.
Halley drifted off to sleep, thinking about him as she did. The dreams she had of him
now were always peaceful. They didn’t have that terrible raw ache she’d had in the
beginning, when she thought she wouldn’t survive losing him. But somehow she had.
The last three years had been lonely without him at times. She wrote more to fill the
void, and there was an empty space in her heart that she knew no one else would ever
fill, and she didn’t want to try.
—
When Olivia left for the airport in the morning, it was in a mad rush. She was
always late for planes if Valerie wasn’t with her to get her up and out of the house on
time. She flew into the kitchen, drank a quick cup of coffee, hugged her mother, grabbed
her bags, and ran out the door.
“See you on Thanksgiving,” she called over her shoulder as the elevator came.
“I love you,” Halley called after her, as the elevator doors closed. She heard
Olivia’s answer and smiled as she closed the front door. She was happy they’d had the
extra day together after the wedding. She liked having time alone with each of the twins.
They still shared their hopes and dreams with her.
She walked into her study and sat down at her desk then, in her bathrobe. She
glanced at the outline she had been working on for months, on a big yellow pad. The
story was all laid out and the research was in good order, as she picked up a pen and
began to write on a fresh legal pad. It was exciting starting a book. She loved the smell
of the new pad. She had written twenty-six books by then. This was going to be twentyseven.
Within half an hour, she was lost in the story, as she wrote line after line and
page after page, laying the groundwork, sharing her characters’ histories, and by the end
of the first chapter that afternoon, the characters were real to her. Until the book was
finished, they would be closer to her than anyone she knew.
She didn’t bother to stop for lunch, not wanting to interrupt the flow. She grabbed an
apple from a bowl in the kitchen, some crackers, and a cup of coffee, and she kept
writing until it was dark outside. She helped herself to some of the leftover curry at
dinnertime, took the plate back to her desk, and ate there, as the characters she wrote
became flesh-and-blood people on the page.
She fell into bed, smiling, at midnight. It had been a very good first day, and she
hoped that it would be a good book. Robert used to read the pages sometimes before
she finished. She had never let anyone else do that, but he was so unobtrusive, offering
few but helpful comments, that at first she thought she wouldn’t be able to write without
him. But she had. Just as she had adjusted to living with him, she had adjusted to living
without him, and she could still hear his voice in her head when she wrote a passage
she really loved and knew was good. She could always tell from the look in his eyes if
he liked the book. And even now that he was gone, she still wrote them for him, or with
him in mind.
