Chapter 4
As always when they were about to leave, Sunday morning was hectic. At one point,
Seth took refuge in the kitchen, to escape the confusion of the twins trying to figure out
what to take with them and what to leave at their mother’s and who was taking what,
carrying armloads of clothes to each other’s rooms. As soon as Seth walked into the
kitchen, he found himself alone with his mother-in-law. She was standing by herself,
staring out the window. It was a cold November day and it was raining, which suited
her mood. After three days of the house being full again, she hated to see them go. And it
would be a long time before their next visit or hers to them. She turned to look at Seth
with a sad smile.
“I hate to see you all leave, it was so nice having you here. I hope you come back
soon.”
“We will,” he reassured her, and sat down at the kitchen table with her. “You gave
us a wonderful Thanksgiving,” he said to her. “The best one I’ve ever had. My family
could never seem to get it together for holidays, or anything else. They were always in
the wrong place at the wrong time, with the wrong people. I got out as soon as I could,
and got married myself, and married the wrong person. I never thought I’d marry again
until I met Valerie, and I knew right away that she was the right woman. You did it all
right with the girls. They’re both fantastic women. Sometimes I feel like I’m married to
both of them.” He smiled as he said it.
“Twins have a very special relationship. Nothing comes between them. Sometimes I
felt like an outsider with them when they were growing up.” They were both quiet for a
minute, thinking about the twins and how close they were, to the exclusion of everyone
else at times. Halley had gotten used to it, but it was still new to Seth. There would
always be times when Valerie would be closer to her twin than her husband.
“Fortunately, in different ways, I love them both,” he said after a minute, and then
looked seriously at Halley. “I’m so sorry about the boat. I thought I was doing a good
thing, and I didn’t mean to leave you out of it. I thought you’d come along. It never
occurred to me that you wouldn’t. And I hate like hell to leave you here alone.”
“I’m a big girl.” She smiled at him. “I’ve been alone before. I can handle it. And I
don’t want Olivia to miss what sounds like a very special trip. She doesn’t need to
sacrifice herself for me. She’d be miserable here without her sister. I want her to go
with you. If I didn’t get so sick just looking at a boat, I’d come too. Although your
mother deserves some time with her family, without my tagging along.”
“We haven’t gone on vacation with her in years. My brother suggested it, and he’s
probably right, but I’d rather be here with you,” he said, and she smiled. “We’ve never
had much of a relationship. My brother is more forgiving than I am.” She nodded, with a
distant look, thinking of her parents. There had been so much to forgive, and she knew
she never had. There had been too much. She had laid the past to rest and moved on in
her life. It was the best she could do, and she had made a good life for herself and the
girls, without bitterness over the past. But she could never forgive what they’d done, or
even understand it, once she had children of her own. It made what her parents had both
done even more unimaginable.
“I want you to go on the trip and have fun. It’s an off year for me, that’s all. It’s not a
tragedy. That happens when one’s children get married. They alternate years with the inlaws.”
“You won’t have to do that with me,” he reassured her. “I think this trip with my
mother will be a one-off.”
“She’ll probably never forget it. It’s a nice thing for you to do as her son.”
“What about you? Will you be all right?”
“Of course,” she said bravely. It was going to be much harder than she would admit
to him, but she didn’t want to spoil the trip for them. She had made the decision the night
before to sacrifice this Christmas for them.
“The holidays don’t mean as much to me as they do to Valerie. I kind of avoid them.
So I wanted to make this Christmas special for her, and you were part of the plan. As I
said, it never occurred to me that you couldn’t come.”
“You’re doing a wonderful thing for everyone, Seth. You don’t need to feel guilty
about it.”
“You’re an amazing person,” he said with feeling, grateful that she was his motherin-law,
just as both girls exploded into the room. They were both wearing black jeans
and black sweaters, with their hair pulled back, and black sneakers, and for an instant,
he couldn’t tell them apart, and neither could Halley. She recognized Olivia first,
because of her expression. She looked anxious, as she always did before a trip, and in
this case, sad to leave her mother, especially if they wouldn’t be together for Christmas.
She was angry at Valerie for not vetoing the boat the first time Seth brought it up, and
now it was too late to get out of it. She was still torn between going on the yacht with
them and coming to New York to be with their mother. But she could tell that her mother
was going to be stubborn about sacrificing herself.
“What have you been up to in here?” Valerie asked her.
“We were waiting for you two to get organized,” Halley said with a smile. Just
seeing them together that way made her happy. They were gorgeous women. It was like
seeing double looking at them when they dressed alike, even more so as adults. They
were spectacular looking, and Seth was admiring them too.
“I’m going to be the envy of every man on the plane,” he said warmly, and Halley
knew it was true.
They put their coats on then and picked up their bags, and Seth hugged Halley
warmly before he left.
“You can still change your mind, you know. We’ll get you the best seasickness
medicine on the market.”
“I’d be a zombie, and you’d want to throw me overboard by the second day, if not
before.” She hugged the girls then, and Olivia clung to her tightly for a minute, hating to
leave her.
“Be careful, Mom. Don’t work too hard. I’ll call you when we land in L.A.”
“Fly safely,” she said, as they loaded their bags into the elevator, and an instant
later, the door closed and they were gone. She walked slowly back into the apartment,
realizing that she didn’t know when she would see them again, but with the boat trip in
the Caribbean at Christmas, she knew it wouldn’t be soon.
—
“Now I’m in love with three of you,” Seth said seriously, looking out the window of
the car he had hired with a driver to take them to the airport. “Your mother is a
wonderful person,” he said to his wife.
“Most of the time,” Valerie conceded with a smile. “Actually, she’s pretty good,”
she said, and kissed him, as Olivia stared out the window in the front seat, worried
about her mother and still trying to decide what to do about the boat trip. She had less
than four weeks to make up her mind. They were sailing on December 20.
She was quiet on the plane, thinking about it, and then she put her headphones on and
watched a movie. She was sitting with her sister, and Seth had taken a seat with a
stranger. He had work to do on his computer, and he knew the twins would rather be
together, even if they didn’t talk to each other.
—
When they landed in L.A., Seth’s car and driver were there, and they dropped
Olivia off at her house. She said she wanted to unpack. She’d had an idea on the plane
for a new painting for her show and wanted to make some sketches, and buy some new
canvases tomorrow.
The airport had been mobbed with people coming back from Thanksgiving with
their families, and the highway was jammed. It took them longer than usual to get home
in the traffic.
Their housekeeper was at the house in Bel Air, waiting for Valerie and Seth, and
made them dinner. When they went upstairs to their bedroom, Seth put his arms around
Valerie and kissed her. “It’s nice having you to myself,” he said softly. “I love Olivia
and your mother, but I haven’t been alone with you in four days.” They fell into bed,
without touching their suitcases, and made love in their extremely comfortable bedroom.
Valerie was lying next to him naked afterward, as he admired her body and trailed a
sensuous finger around her breast. They’d had a great time in New York, but he was
happy to be home, and to have Valerie to himself.
Olivia was happy to be home too, as she wandered around her house, walked into
the kitchen alcove that was her studio, and turned on the lights. She stood looking at the
lineup of her paintings for a few minutes, thinking about her show in March. She had a
lot of work to do to get ready. Then she went to make herself a cup of tea and called her
mother. Halley was happy to hear her. The apartment had been dead silent all afternoon.
She had started editing her first draft after they left. It was a good way to spend a winter
afternoon. It was too cold to go out.
“What did you do today?” Olivia asked her.
“I did some editing on the new book,” Halley replied, happy to hear her voice. She
hadn’t spoken to anyone all day since they left.
“I had a crazy idea on the plane,” Olivia said pensively. “Why don’t you go
somewhere for Christmas?”
“Like where? I hate traveling alone. I’ll be happier at home working.”
“You can’t work all the time,” Olivia reminded her, but she did anyway.
“Yes, I can.” Halley smiled.
“You love Paris. Why don’t you go there for Christmas, or New Year’s?”
The last time Halley had been there was with Robert. It had been romantic and fun,
but it wouldn’t be fun alone. She never even went to restaurants by herself, and didn’t
enjoy it.
“What are you doing this week?” her mother asked her, changing the subject.
“I have an idea for a new painting, maybe a series, I want to fool around with it
tomorrow. The show is only three months away. I need to get to work.”
“That sounds like fun,” Halley said. Listening to Olivia made Halley miss her more.
It had been so nice to have her home. They hung up after a few minutes, and Halley sat
thinking about what Olivia had said about going to Paris. It was a crazy idea, and the
kind of wild, spontaneous thing she never did, and she liked being at home for
Christmas, but not alone. Or maybe she could spend Christmas at home, and fly to Paris
after that for New Year’s. It was a big trip to take by herself. But maybe that was what
she needed to do. Something crazy. She was turning fifty before Christmas. Maybe she
needed to celebrate it, instead of mourning her youth. The girls had wanted to give her a
party, which she didn’t want. They had been planning to celebrate when they came home
for Christmas, so their absence was a double loss. None of them had thought about that
when Seth told them about the boat. It only occurred to Halley now.
The seed Olivia had planted was stubborn, like a weed. Halley couldn’t get it out of
her head. It followed her around like a stray dog for days.
—
Halley had hated her birthdays since her childhood. They had always been sad,
painful days. She preferred not to celebrate them, even now, and to treat them as normal
days.
The girls sent her three dozen roses on her birthday, and they had a beautiful bag
delivered to her that she loved. They called to wish her a happy birthday and she
thanked them. Then she surprised them both. She felt suddenly liberated by the landmark
birthday. If she was going to be old, at least she should have some fun.
“I’m going to stay home for Christmas, and then I’m going to fly to Paris and
celebrate New Year’s there. It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever done, but I think Robert
would be proud of me. He always wanted me to be more spontaneous. I’ll edit the book
before I go, and do it again when I come back, or I can take it with me, to work on at
night. I have to figure out where to stay. And if I hate being there alone, or get too
lonely, I can always come back.” A week or two in Paris was hardly a jail sentence. “It
will be an adventure.” She sounded excited about it.
Olivia felt relieved when their mother told them her plan, and didn’t feel quite as
guilty for going to the boat and leaving her alone for Christmas, although she still felt
bad about it. But Valerie was being so insistent, and her mother had told her to go. Seth
and Valerie had invited two couples to fill the two empty cabins. The trip was going to
be fun, there was no denying it, although Olivia wasn’t excited about spending a
vacation with Seth’s brother and mother. But she knew the two couples they’d invited,
and she liked them. With her spur-of-the-moment plans, Halley had freed her from guilt,
and Olivia was starting to look forward to her trip. So was Halley.
She booked a ticket to Paris online for the twenty-sixth of December, and called a
well-known realtor in Paris to see about renting an apartment for two weeks. She didn’t
want to stay at a hotel. She wanted to feel Parisian while she was there. She kept
reminding herself she could come home if she had a terrible time. But how bad could
Paris be? Paris was Paris. And oddly, she always felt an inexplicable tie to it because
of her mother. Halley was half French, a fact she hardly ever thought about. And her big
adventure would start the day after Christmas, doing something so different. She felt as
though she was turning a page with her landmark birthday. What lay ahead were like
blank pages in a new journal, that she could write any way she wanted. It gave her an
incredible sense of freedom she’d never felt before.
Chapter 5
As usual, Halley’s estimate of her work was accurate. She had finished the first
draft of her new book just before Thanksgiving, and she completed the second draft,
making changes and corrections, at two in the morning on the same day that Seth,
Valerie, and Olivia flew to St. Bart’s to meet the boat. She was nervous for them, since
the last leg of the trip was on a tiny plane and there had been mishaps before. She didn’t
let herself think about that as she finished the second draft of the book, which filled her
mind, as it always did, to the exclusion of all else.
The girls had both been busy in L.A., getting ready for their trip. Halley had talked
to them several times, and they were looking forward to it. And Halley’s trip to Paris
was set. The realtor had found her a gem of a small house in the 7th arrondissement. It
was available for three months, but she only took it for two weeks. The owners were
going to their home in Marrakesh for several months.
She had a vague thought in the back of her mind that if she was having a great time,
she might stay longer, since the house was available. She was keeping it open-ended.
She had nothing to rush back for, since the girls were flying straight back to L.A. and not
stopping in New York. The trip to Paris, and finishing the book, were keeping her from
thinking too much about being alone on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, which hadn’t
happened in twenty-seven years, since the twins were born.
Finishing a draft of a book was always like returning from a trip. She let mail pile
up when she was working, checked her messages once a day when she finished writing,
and answered only those that were urgent and couldn’t wait. She cleared her desk
before she started a book, and tried to focus on nothin
